I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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