That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
