My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
