I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
