I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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