i already hear my dad disowning me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
