WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize