and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
