70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
