i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
