She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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