mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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