My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
