I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
