haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize