Sponge bath it is.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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