I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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