she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
