That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
