I cockslap morals
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
