New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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