Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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