"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
