If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
