The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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