goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
