who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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