i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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