lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just blew my weed a kiss
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
