I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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