Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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