Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
