so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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