kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
