I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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