Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
