i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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