I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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