you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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