Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I want a musical about memes.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
