It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
