now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
