You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
