Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
