Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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