sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
