thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come share oat with me in your robe
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
