you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
