the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
