my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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