If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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