I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Actions speak louder than pants.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
