At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
