They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
