Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
