My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
