you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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