Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
