3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
