I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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