It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
