You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
